I always thought that the three-legged race was such an interesting and indeed powerful exercise, not just for competition, but for building sensitivity, coordination, and relationship.  With one leg tied to another’s leg, two people have three limbs capable of ambulation that must be coordinated in order to move forward.  It’s a struggle against the natural tendency to walk self-sufficiently alone.  The close proximity poses many challenges in terms of rhythm, timing and even weight and height coordination.  It takes awareness, commitment, patience and many other qualities of cooperation in order to even move without falling, much less win the race.  And if we can get beyond feelings of frustration and impatience, it is actually fun!

As we move closer to the celebration of the Holy Trinity this weekend, in Mark’s gospel (MK 10: 1-12), we have Jesus responding to the Pharisees’ attempt to trip him up, specifically concerning the issue of divorce.  In the Mosaic tradition, a man could divorce his wife simply by writing out a “bill of dismissal.”  Jesus tells them that, basically, this legalistic measure was granted because the people were so “hard of heart.”  At the close of the Gospel passage, we hear Jesus talking with the disciples about all of this:

“In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

 This may sound somewhat legalistic on Jesus’ part, but I wonder if He is not more pointing up the casualness that we seem to take many times toward relationships period.  I can imagine the look on Jesus’ face as he says this – almost one of exasperation and perhaps irritation that first the Pharisees and now the disciples just don’t seem to get it!  Relationship is serious stuff!

Ultimately, I believe this discussion in the Gospel could be about how we can tend to use relationships and appreciate them only insofar as they “serve” our purposes.  And I am not talking about just the relationship of marriage here.  This crosses into all our relationships at every level (family, friends, spouse, employment, social, international, etc.)  It must have been an effrontery to Jesus, himself a Person of the God-relationship – Trinity, to witness such a seeming lackadaisical treatment of relationship.

Without specifically referring to the legalistic (Church and Social) aspects of marriage and divorce, what I hear when Jesus makes the point that divorce and remarriage constitute adultery, is the terrible result when we adulterate or deny the basic reality of who we are.  Even more, it’s an adulteration or denial of who God is!  In our behaviors and decision-making we many times turn away from the God, who IS authentic committed relationship and who IS always inviting us to be a part of and remain in that relationship.  When we try to sign away relationships, what the Gospel names a “bill of dismissal,” how could we be anything but lost?

Throughout scriptures we read about how God’s relationship with us is like a marriage (Jesus’ first miracle in John was changing water to wine at the Cana wedding).  This is not accidental, but it is also not necessarily literal. In other words, the human relationship is designed and indeed participates in the Divine Relationship (the Trinity).    Although the marriage relationship is indeed a very specific relationship, the “terms” it carries  –  fidelity, authenticity, self-sacrifice, patience, etc. – also apply to our relationship to each other as human beings, whether in close physical proximity or not.  In her book “The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three,” the Episcopalian priest, Cynthia Bourgeault, points out that human love is the “touchstone” of Divine Love.  We encounter the God-relationship in our human relationships.  If we really consider Jesus in the Incarnation, could it be any other way?

The letter of James today (JAS 5: 9-12) provides the challenging but encouraging aspect about the struggle of relationship in our lives.

“Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers and sisters, the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Indeed we call blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of the perseverance of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, because the Lord is compassionate and merciful.”

The perseverance of the prophets and Job through hardship and patience is the symbol of the relationship that God invites us into it, through our earthly relationships.  The prophets suffered much at the hands of those to whom they were speaking.  Job was pushed relentlessly to psychological and spiritual limits that I feel certain I could not have endured.  And yet the prophets and Job in their hardships, without full understanding of all that was happening in their lives, somehow remained patient and faithful.

I’m not talking about staying in an abusive relationship, but I think we are invited to allow and challenge ourselves to authentically walk together, like in a three-legged race.  We must be willing to let go of “part” of ourselves in order to walk with each other.  This involves a fair amount of suffering, but if we walk far enough along, with falls and missteps included, we see that what gets left behind many times is the unnecessary fragments of our ego.  It’s as if the closeness that we have to walk with each other always does include “stepping” on each other from time to time.  But if we’re stepping in compassionate and merciful love, that which is stepped on – the ego – gets left behind and we become even more of who we are meant to be, but ONLY in the company of another, of each other.  We “step” In God’s very Life… TOGETHER… and this is an unbreakable bond!

Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

Peace

Thomas