We’ve all heard the admonition, “Be careful what you wish for, you may get it!” I feel somewhat certain that all of us can name a time when we impulsively thought we wanted something and then after obtaining it, found that it did not meet up to our expectations. On another level, sometimes it’s a matter of confusing what we “need” with what we want. “I need a new pair of shoes” could actually be the expression of wanting to get an additional pair of shoes that are a little more comfortable, or maybe are specifically designed to “pop” at a particular event, or even just different ones than the pair I currently wear, rather than a statement regarding the fact that the sole of the shoe is gone, or that my toes are actually poking through a hole that has formed in the front of the shoes.
Satisfying our desires is not the same as resolving a need. And many times, confusing the satisfaction of a desire with the satisfaction of a need can result in a worse condition than where we started. This plays out on many fields of engagement – our personal lives, families, on up to the national and international levels. Media reminds us of that daily. With all that being said, I’m not sure that the scriptures today, for Thursday in the First Week of Lent, are focusing exclusively on the “what” or “how to” of prayer as also on the “that” of prayer.
In the Book of Esther (EST C: 12, 14-16, 23-25), we hear how Queen Esther “seized with mortal anguish” prayed to the Lord that the enemies of the Jewish people would be destroyed. On face value, this desperate request may be considered at least somewhat questionable. But without addressing the possible inappropriateness of the nature of her request, we can venture to see the request as an expression in prayer of reliance and trust in something or SOMEONE beyond herself. The Gospel of Matthew (MT 7: 7-12) develops this idea of trust within the context of relationship:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
The directive is to just ASK! Really, whatever it is, just ask. Within a relationship of real trust, we can ask for something, even if it’s not the “right” thing to request. In an authentic relationship, the very fact that you can express your wants or needs to another, says something as much if not more about the relationship itself than what it is you’re asking. It is important THAT you pray…period. Just ask, “the door will be opened to you, for everyone who asks, receives.” And you will be listened to and heard. “Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asked for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asked for a fish?” Hmm… just how does this listening work?
The issue arises when our focus is on what it is we are asking, which is many times ego-based and self-centered, rather than relishing the beauty of the relationship that we are in, which actually is the very ground upon which we can even express our request. Matthew has Jesus bringing us further along into this trusting relationship that enables us to openly express our desires and needs when he goes on to say, “If you then … know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.” Here’s the rub! We have to be open to the response. We have to be open enough to receive it, to really receive it, even when it seems to go against our original plans for outcome or expectations. It’s a matter of prioritizing the relationship of trust and commitment over and above that which I may feel I can get from the relationship.
This brings to mind the 1950’s TV show “Father Knows Best,” starring Robert Young and Jane Wyatt. Without comment on the inherent sexism of the title or any type of critical review of the series, I will say that I found that even in the stereo-typed TV-land depiction of 1950’s family life, I can see when watching the show that it was many if not most times the interplay between the father and the mother that provided the resolution to the dilemmas in which the children found themselves. And that leads to perhaps the most exciting aspect I find in Matthew’s Gospel passage today. Right at the very end, we have the GOLDEN RULE dropped in our lap:
“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you…”
I want to say that this brings the relationship factor in prayer as petition to an even more exciting dynamism. It seems to imply that if there is any criteria that we could use in WHAT we ask for, it must take into consideration the relationship we have with God, to such an extent that it is a consideration of our relationship with everyone and even everything else. It then becomes a humble acknowledgement that everything I ask for, everything I seek, everything I do has an effect on everyone else. This should give me pause! Is this another way of stating the Golden Rule? If our actions should take into full consideration the effect that they (actions) can/will have on others, shouldn’t this apply to our requests in prayer. It all comes back to us – we really do get what we give – the ricochet of grace! The community of relationship just keeps getting bigger and bigger! It’s a little scary but also exciting, in a good way.
So, ask away…ask God, in private prayer, in communal prayer. Ask your neighbor, your enemy, the person you know, the one you don’t. The challenge is to first, really appreciate the wonderful opportunity of the interaction in relationship that we have with one another, and then to allow the interaction and dialogue that is always inherent in the sharing of dreams and hopes to shape and edit our petitions, so that we all will receive that which we wish. Like throwing a ricochet!
Peace,
Thomas
