In the closing scene of the 1980’s movie, Ordinary People, directed by Robert Redford, Timothy Hutton’s character Conrad mentions to his Dad (played by Donald Sutherland) how he always thought that his Dad had a ‘handle’ for everything and how he admired that about him.   The father responds back to his son, “Don’t admire people too much, they might disappoint you.”   By way of a life lesson being passed onto a son, I believe this is as much a personal confession to the son of the father’s experience of life in terms of expectation, commitment, authenticity and relationship – healed and broken.    It is a seed of wisdom of a parent passed on in compassion and mercy to a son.

 As a child, like some of us perhaps, I remember feeling somewhat the same about my parents.  It was an unconscious expectation that I had – that they knew everything that needed to be known.  As I grew older, I recall growing into the rather uncomfortable realization that my parents did not have all the answers and that they were fallible and human. Eventually this was liberating (of course over a long period of time), growing into a real appreciation for their lives and struggles and attempts to live authentically within their life circumstances.  Of course, this experience is not relegated solely to the parent/child relationship, but can be experienced in many different ways in different relationships (spouse, friend, work, society, nature, etc.).  We sometimes call this breaking out of patterns of familiarity/expectations that we take for granted or even growing up.

 In today’s Gospel (MT 6: 7-15), we hear the evangelist, Matthew, recounting Jesus’s passing on to his followers the intimate words that he prays to God, whom He calls “Father.”  In perhaps a reversal of the Ordinary People movie line, we have an instructional confession of intimate wisdom on Jesus’s part about the relationship he has with his Father – a relationship based upon trust, responsibility and mercy.  And the beauty of this intimate confession of relationship captured in the prayer is that WE are invited into and are as creations of God part of this very same relationship. 

 Jesus prefaces His prayer by stating, “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”  I think this is key in unlocking the words of the prayer that follows.  There is a deep silent abiding between the Father and the Son that is based upon some mysterious and wonderful connection, manifested in love, responsibility, commitment, authenticity, brokenness and healing.  It all seems to be there.  This silent ground of compassionate connection is the source of the flow of the relationship itself.  It’s a relationship in Mercy, from the start.  And, again, this is the same relationship that we are destined to experience with God as the never-disappointing parent, but so sadly many times we fail to recognize.

 “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”

 Jesus seems to be telling us in His prayer to the Father that forgiveness is an action of Mercy.  Specifically, in asking for forgiveness, we always must forgive others simultaneously.  We cannot claim/accept forgiveness from God without forgiving others, because Mercy is an unbreakable bond wherein God creates and holds us in Love, as Thomas Merton says.  This is because Mercy is an unbreakable bond wherein God creates and holds us in Love, as Thomas Merton says, this mercy has taken hold of us and will not let us go.[i]  It is an unstoppable flow, which we either sink or swim (ignore or embrace), but it is not going away!  To try to accept the flow of Mercy from God, while at the same time trying to prevent it from going out to others through me is like standing in the crashing surf of the ocean, thinking I can remain standing, and not be completely overwhelmed by the force of the powerful wave (and even undertow).  It’s an all or nothing scenario.  We either let go into the flow of Mercy or we lie to ourselves and say we accept God’s forgiveness and then try to contain it within ourselves.  It just cannot be done.  It is unworkable.   Interestingly , we can and do fool  ourselves that it can be done by holding on to stubborn unrealistic expectations and bruised egos.

Indeed, it would appear that the only power we have is our willingness to either accept or reject the ever present mercy of God in our lives, our world, our universe….each other.  This means that forgiveness is an exercise of vulnerability and compassion by cutting through unreal expectations and admirations that we have of others, that most times disappoint and in fact are shadows of our own insecurities – Who’s going to say it first?  I’m hurt, you’re hurt, we all fall down. 

Look at this way…God forgives, or gives love for you (and me), so that it can flow through you (and me) out to others.  The forgiveness of God comes from God through me and you and everyone else.  We are healed and held together by the ointment of compassion flowing through us and then out to others.  And then there is the ebbing as well, we receive the flow from others.  It’s the tide of Love that draws us in and flows us out.  The flow cannot be stopped, and it drowns disappointment and resentment in its wake as it spreads wide the embracing and healing reality of Mercy!

Think about the possibility that, in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus is giving us a prayer of action through which we can embrace the wonderfully intimate cosmos of Mercy that holds us all together in the arms of vulnerable Compassion.  The more we can grasp this, the less disappointed we will be!

i] Thomas Merton, “The Good Samaritan” in A Thomas Merton Reader, edited by Thomas P. McDonnell (Image: 1989), p. 355.

 Peace

Thomas

(Originally published February 16, 2016)