A perennial question for humanity comes in the form of “why do we have to suffer or struggle?”  Why do unpleasant or “bad” things happen to us – all of us?  This is not only a question that has been passed down since the beginning of time, but also perhaps one that defies any satisfactory answer.  Perhaps we try to answer the “why” based upon a judgment we make regarding our worthiness to receive or not to receive what we sometimes call “good” or “bad fortune?”  This is sometimes referred to as a version of the “prosperity gospel.”   And indeed there are circumstances in our lives that we choose to either participate or not participate in that which results in what we would call “good” or “bad” consequences; however,  there are just as many – if not more – circumstances that seem forced upon us, which we feel we have no control over.  If you are looking for an answer from me regarding all of these questions, I am afraid you will be disappointed.

Sometimes the “why” questions dominate our lives in such a way that when the certitude of a final answer does not surface we can feel frustrated, angry, despondent and also abandoned.  When we cannot “figure out” something, we also may see it as a mark of failure.  In the end, these experiences that we question can leave us exhausted on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  It can seem like we are wrestling with something or even someone that we cannot understand, maybe not even see, and for that reason cannot name or identify.

Genesis describes an example of this wrestling activity in today’s reading (Gn 32:23-33):

Jacob was left there alone. Then some man wrestled with him until the break of dawn.
When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket,
so that the hip socket was wrenched as they wrestled. The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”
The man asked, “What is your name?” He answered, “Jacob.”
Then the man said, “You shall no longer be spoken of as Jacob, but as Israel,
because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.”
Jacob then asked him, “Do tell me your name, please.”
He answered, “Why should you want to know my name?”
…Jacob limped along because of his hip.

So we have Jacob wrestling with the Divine – indeed GOD – and “prevailing,” so the story goes.  Although Jacob persisted in this interaction with God, described as “wrestling,” he is wounded during the “wrestling match.” He is left with a “limp.”  In his persistence during the “struggle,” he is wounded, but he also through the encounter goes deeper into his relationship with God, with the source of all life!  Because of this, God re-names him “Israel,” because he “contended with divine and human beings and…prevailed.”

Like Jacob, we get “named” in our life encounters.  Whether joyous or sorrowful experiences, we get “named” by them.    The way we interpret them can dominate this “naming” process.  If we succumb to the temptation to “name” our experiences strictly by whether they bring joy and happiness or pain and sorrow, we will inevitably get bogged down in a seemingly comfortable certainty that when things come our way we deserved them or, especially in the case of unpleasant or painful experiences, we will constantly ask “why?,” resulting in endless frustration and even resentment.

I wonder if this story of Jacob wrestling with “some man…until the break of dawn” is telling us something about HOW we approach life and let its many experiences immediately name us rather than remaining in a confounding puzzlement over why the event occurred in the first place.  This is not to say that we shouldn’t examine honestly how we may contribute to the occurrences in our lives, the impact our lives have on ourselves and each other.   I am talking here about the posture of “struggling” with the mystery of life and all its vicissitudes without jumping to immediate judgments and demanding a “reason” why things happen, like Jacob asking for the “name” of his wrestling mate.  What if instead of immediately trying to “identify, “we pause and ponder the reply from God, “Why should you want to know my name?”

This “wrestling” that Jacob was engaged with until dawn must have involved no small amount of uncertainty.  Yet Jacob persisted.  He stayed with it.  And even though he was “wounded” in the process, he demanded that the experience itself “bless him.”  And that is precisely what happens.  God “re- names” Jacob “Israel,” precisely because he (Jacob) “contended with divine and human beings and prevailed.”

Isn’t that what we are all asked to do?  What if we could begin to see everything, i.e., all the experiences of our lives, as “contending with divine and human beings?” Although it may sound violent, perhaps “contending” and “wrestling” here really mean the ability or willingness to “stay” with some experience long enough for it to transform us, i.e., to give us a “new name.”  Maybe  the idea of “prevailing” in the story does not refer so much to “winning,” but rather holding on to the experience long enough to see God within it – to see the divine – and therefore to be “blessed” and “named” by the One who loves us into being and sustains us in every moment of our lives?

Jacob’s determination in staying with and engaging this mysterious Being results in both woundedness AND grace.  He will limp for the rest of his life from the great Love that he “hung with” long enough to transform him!  It’s difficult to “hold” things that we cannot understand immediately.  Our impatience gets the best of us and our consumerist culture of instant satisfaction does not help matters.  Many times we’d rather get out of the “ring” rather than stay with the struggle, especially when we cannot see where it is leading us, or even perhaps “what” or “who” it is with which we are struggling.

God does come to us as “some” man, “some” woman, “some” child,  “some” stranger, “some” place, “some” experience (suffering and joyful) in every moment of our lives.  Sometimes we may not feel the struggle, but somewhere down the line in our lives we will be faced with something or someone that will invite us deeper into an intense encounter with the One who loves us even deeper than we could imagine. It may come as falling in love with another person.  It could be having to face an addiction in your life that has taken over.  It could be having to “deal with” a loved one who has gone down a dark path and cannot find their way back.  It may be the value of an idea that you have never questioned before that now seems to be challenged at its core.  The invitation to struggle will come and, if your “hip” or some other part of your being has not been wounded yet, it will be.

Here’s the “turn.”  The wound is always carrying with it the grace of being “named.”  If we can hold out or hold on long enough without quickly “naming” it ourselves, the Divine One, the God who is loving us in this very experience, will provide the name that will transform us so that we can carry forward and integrate whatever experience it is because we are being “held.”

Broken and Blessed.  Sound familiar?  Wounded and Held.  Named and Transformed.  These all sound very similar to what could be meant by the reference to the “victory of the Cross.” The victory is our humble and determined engagement with the struggle to receive the Love of God coming to us (the cross) in every step of the journey!   This is the grace of the Divine Limp!

Peace,

Thomas