What does it feel like to feel forgiven?  Is it a feeling of recognizing that what you did was not wrong or hurtful?  Is it strictly determined by the reaction or acceptance of your apology by the person(s) hurt?  Does it even involve a sentiment or feeling at all?  What part if any does guilt play in it?  Does it sometimes feel like destruction?  Does it feel like a loss of self, or something you have felt the need to hold on to, whether it is a comfortable justification for behavior or a bitter attitude?

I wonder if forgiveness sometimes comes in the form of a darkness that at first may seem to overwhelm, but then there is some type of transformation, a letting go or surrender that is strangely enough a gift mysteriously received rather than something we ourselves perform, as the ‘forgiven.’

‘While still more people gathered in the crowd, Jesus said to them, “This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it, except the sign of Jonah’   (LK 11: 29-32)

It seems like this notion of crowd that we hear in the Gospels often indicates an attitude of indifference and stubbornness on the part of those to whom Jesus is addressing.  In today’s reading we hear that “still more people gathered.”  I don’t know if this is indicating that more people are following Jesus or that more people are misunderstanding (either intentionally or otherwise) what it is that Jesus is saying and what his presence is about.  As far as Jesus is concerned, it all comes down to an expectation of some sign that will clear everything up, and most certainly clarify things in terms of the crowd’s preconceived notions.

Some scripture scholars suggest that this ‘sign of Jonah,’ which Jesus says will be the only sign given, is actually NO sign at all.  And to understand this we have to go back to the story of Jonah.  In today’s reading from Jonah (JON 3: 1-10), we hear of Jonah’s instruction from the Lord to preach repentance to the very crowded and sinful city of Nineveh (it took 3 days to cross the city).  In the story, the people do repent, and according to the author of the Book of Jonah:

“When God saw by their actions how they turned from their evil way, he repented of the evil that he had threatened to do to them; he did not carry it out.”

 We may be easily tempted to interpret this as if something had to be done by the people of Nineveh in order for God to withhold from inflicting His wrath upon them.  Repentance seems to be a precursor for a type of ‘forgiveness,’ that basically is a withholding of wrath and destruction.  I find this to be a ‘crowded,’ understanding of ‘forgiveness,’ which seems to operate on an unfortunate judgmental level of relationship that we tend towards in our dealings with one another.  It always seems easier to judge right from wrong, cataloging the former as righteousness and the latter as deserving of punishment.  I wonder if repentance could perhaps signify our intentional willingness to receive forgiveness more than anything else?

Instead of punishment, what if there is a destruction that needs to happen in order for forgiveness to occur, having to do with our dualistic postures of judgment of either/or, good or bad, black or white, etc.?  Remember that the story of Jonah begins with God calling Jonah, who in an attempt to avoid what God is asking flees the Lord by getting on a ship.  When the ship encounters storms that threaten to destroy it, Jonah confesses to the crew that he is in fact fleeing the Lord, which results in their casting him overboard only to be swallowed by a very large fish.  For three days, Jonah sat in the darkness, in the belly of the sea beast, until finally, he was spewed upon the shore.

It took this period of darkness, of not knowing, of possible fear, of a type of healthy ‘self-destruction’ so to speak for Jonah to really listen and respond to what God was asking.  His soul-wrenching prayer describes this destruction:

“I went down to the roots of the mountains; to the land whose bars closed behind me forever,
But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD, my God.”

I’m not sure that there was a particular ah-hah moment where Jonah said to himself, “Now I get it” or even “Now I will wholeheartedly listen!” It apparently was gradual.  But, what really strikes me about Jonah is that he began to move under the inspiration of God, i.e., he began to follow the Lord’s lead even though he did not fully understand it.  This lack of full understanding continues all the way through the book of Jonah, wherein even at the very end of the book, Jonah becomes angry enough to die, when he realizes that despite everything there is nothing he himself can do to solicit God’s love and mercy.  He is baffled by the absolute unearned gift!

Perhaps God’s love and mercy does involve destruction.  Maybe it is the crowdedness of our stubborn hearts that must be destroyed.  But, here is the kicker.  We have to allow it be destroyed, i.e., we must surrender our pre-conceived notions and patterns of thinking in order for the mercy and forgiveness of our God to be made manifest.  What power have we been given in this act of repentance?

The Sign of Jonah might just be the darkness of surrender, when we let go without fully understanding the force of the mercy and love of God.  It can seem like sitting in the entrails of a terrible monster.  But, if we can just make a slight movement toward accepting or rather embracing it, the light will grow and outline the shadows of our lives that need to be looked at.  It’s not even so much that these shadows need to be destroyed, but we need to be aware of them and be able to name them.  By naming them, the darkness in our lives becomes framed by the Light of Mercy.

Can we allow the dawn of God’s love in our lives to frame whatever darkness it is that we are afraid to surrender, possibly because we fail to even see it?  Can the ‘sign of Jonah’ be this space of mercy that affords a trusting surrender to the destruction or death of our crowded egos?  This mercy space, where darkness meets light, can transport us to another shore or place where a strange newness can grow in us and through us as we begin to learn about the love and Mercy of our God through each other.

This could be the returning acceptance of forgiveness, or repentance, granted by the openness of hearts that we hear from the prophet Joel in the beautiful responsorial psalm:

‘Even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart for I am gracious and merciful.  JL 2: 12-13

Peace

Thomas

“The soul is the delicate yet durable cloth  woven and laced together in loving pattern  by the merciful strokes of God’s Passings…
    And the sheen of our soul is the ever-glowing  awareness we have of this sacred-stitched fabric”

(Originally published March 8, 2017)